Rejoice

It's been a very long time since I have made the space to sit and simply be. Be with God. Be with myself. Be with a book. During this pandemic, I have once again attempted to renew my soul via the written word. I can think of few better books to start such a journey than "Ladysitting", the poignant memoir of caregiving for an elderly relative written so sharply and clearly by Lorene Cary.

Ms Cary has led an illustrious career as a novelist and as founder of Art Sanctuary, an African-American arts and letters organization devoted to presenting regional and national talent in the literary, visual and performing arts. Ladysitting tells the story of her sometimes tempestuous relationship with her grandmother, for whom she was main caregiver for the last year of her life until she died at age 101.

The subject matter caught my attention because as a hospice chaplain, I meet so many caregivers. Indeed, many times my visits have been not for support to the patient, who is often past the point of intelligible conversation, but to the spouse, child or grandchild who is exhausted from caring for a person who has essentially become an adult-sized infant. I hear a lot of guilt, self-doubt and second guessing from people who rarely practice good self-care because all their attention is focused on the patient. Cary is remarkably vulnerable with the reader as she shares all this and more, during her stubborn Nana's willful journey from her own home in New Jersey to living with her granddaughter's family in Philadelphia to her last stop here, an in patient unit of a hospice

The humanity of Nana is drawn so clearly by Cary, that I felt as if I personally had been visiting and had come in contact with the feisty centenarian. Cary does not sugar coat her grandmother's person, a fact I appreciate. Nana comes across by turns as fiercely independent, a role model for strong women and a very self-centered manipulative person. In other words, a normal human being. Flawed and frustrating, just as are we all. It makes her even more real to the reader. So real for me that when Cary shares her grandmother's final moments, my eyes were wet.

Part of the reason I am drawn to hospice chaplaincy is the exquisite privilege of being part of another person's life at his or her most vulnerable - as this person makes the final journey from life toward death. "Ladysitting" offers a brief glimpse into the world I step into multiple times, with multiple families and situations, every week. I highly recommend it, not only as a good read but also as a fine tribute to an unforgettable grandmother.